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June 14, 2011
How I Gained One Rating Point in Vegas
Having returned just two days ago from the National Open in Las Vegas, the kind people at chessinutah.com have been ruthlessly calling me in their hopes that I might share my story from the tournament with the other five or six viewers on their website. After much debate, I decided to give in and impart the secrets to my success. The following is a detailed account of how I picked up one rating point at the National Open in Las Vegas.
While two jobs and full-time graduate studies have significantly impeded my ability to study chess the old-fashioned way (books?), I did manage to engage in a lengthy, complex routine prior to the tournament. For the past couple weeks leading up to the event, I rehearsed I Hate Chess, a melodramatic ditty that my friend and I composed as an expression of our true feelings for this tactical game. Pondering over the deeper meaning of these lines, I merged the subconscious with the conscious and conceded to my inimical emotions. This process helped to clear my mind and subsequently, I became one with chess.
As for actual practice, it is difficult to assess how much studying will push one up the scale of USCF rating points, especially if one hopes to achieve one point. Nevertheless, I figured some balanced study was in order. Before my first round, I picked up Play the Ruy Lopez by Andrew Greet and opened it to an arbitrary page, the chance tactic of which I studied for seven countable seconds. While I did not discover the answer, the brief analysis of the pieces and their position was surely one component that contributed to my overall gain.
While chess study is important, one cannot forget a girl’s beauty rituals. Each morning before the round began I engaged in my normal ablutions, followed by the careful application of makeup and the straightening of my hair. After having thoughtfully composed myself for the day, I felt ready to go out and earn one rating point. After all, a girl’s chess moves are only as good as her mascara.
Finally, I can’t deny that IHOP trips at 1:00 am had something to do with my performance. While I am unable to identify exactly what, I am sure the outing played its appropriate role.
Utah chess players enjoy a late meal at IHOP
In the end, I could not be happier with my performance. While some of you may doubt the feat I have accomplished, I am submitting proof. Check it out! http://www.uschess.org/msa/MbrDtlTnmtHst.php?12805367
I owe my extraordinary success at the National Open to several people and entities that helped me along the way. Namely, I would like to thank Southwest Airlines for physically transporting me to Nevada, Shelby Lohrman from the Rochester Chess Club for lending me a chess clock, the South Point janitors for their fine services in providing liquid sustenance, Alex Gustafsson for his friendship... I mean acquaintanceship, and Katie Kormanik for, at the end of the day, hating chess just as much as I do.
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